Preventative Care

I have this ability,

this habit,

of talking myself down

from the brink of feeling,

of making any guy unworthy 

until I'm only interested

in the ones who aren't 

today

on the drive to work

as a Taylor Swift song

leeched tears from my eyes

while I sang 

I figured out why

When I love someone

it never fades

but remains bright and sharp and deep

and always lodged exactly where they left it

the only way I can move on

is when the pain it causes becomes just as deep

or deeper,

is when the wounds we inflicted on each other

become so rotten

the whole area goes numb

maybe I'm afraid to love so deeply

and open myself up

to yet another infection

maybe this ability 

this habit

is my own preventative care.