Give me a brutal love
don't pull any punches
no holding back
no holds barred.
Give me all of you
the beautiful
and the horrifying
I want it all.
I want to drown
in the intensity
of the emotions
like waves that cradle as they crash.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Sleep
It isn't the sleep I fear,
it is the exhaustion which I know I will fight
when morning comes
and it lays on me like a blanket of snow
heavy and cold
freezing my body into a statue that will never move again.
It isn't the sleep I fear,
It is the closing my eyes for a while
blocking out everything
but the versions of me that live in my head
whispering, manipulating,
trying to turn me into one of them, or get rid of me altogether.
It isn't the sleep I fear,
It is the dream from which I can't escape
trapped in the dark
deep in the recesses of my own mind
vivid and horrifically empty
playing me the worst versions of all my worries like a movie.
I welcome sleep.
It's what sleep is made of that makes me reluctant to lie down and greet it.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Treats and poison
I needed you in the beginning,
your smile like a brand-new butcher knife
with words that cut
I didn't know how badly I was bleeding until I had time to heal.
You tried to to dice me into bite sized pieces
so that you could consume me
to keep your own soul from starving.
When I didn't need you anymore,
and could love wholly and freely,
your meal was over,
you left the table,
and me to clean up the mess.
I'm still cleaning.
I love you still
though forbidden fruit you were,
you were enticing, intoxicating,
and you grew from a tree
who's branches I still love to climb.
You were my favorite flavor I never got to taste.
I loved you, in the end
your quiet strength that left room for my whole self
and you loved all of it.
It was when I needed you that you fled the scene
leaving my love maimed and bleeding out.
Who knew such short time
could leave such lasting scars.
I think I could love you
easily, if I wasn't holding back
seeing your poisonous shell,
dreaming that I could be the one to crack it
and taste the sweet nectar of your soul.
I'm kidding myself.
Even if I wasn't allergic to you
you keep yourself at a distance
spitting thorns at those who draw to close.
It doesn't even slow my step,
but I dare not reach out to touch,
because I know I can get so thoroughly addicted to love
and I have been broken before.
your smile like a brand-new butcher knife
with words that cut
I didn't know how badly I was bleeding until I had time to heal.
You tried to to dice me into bite sized pieces
so that you could consume me
to keep your own soul from starving.
When I didn't need you anymore,
and could love wholly and freely,
your meal was over,
you left the table,
and me to clean up the mess.
I'm still cleaning.
I love you still
though forbidden fruit you were,
you were enticing, intoxicating,
and you grew from a tree
who's branches I still love to climb.
You were my favorite flavor I never got to taste.
I loved you, in the end
your quiet strength that left room for my whole self
and you loved all of it.
It was when I needed you that you fled the scene
leaving my love maimed and bleeding out.
Who knew such short time
could leave such lasting scars.
I think I could love you
easily, if I wasn't holding back
seeing your poisonous shell,
dreaming that I could be the one to crack it
and taste the sweet nectar of your soul.
I'm kidding myself.
Even if I wasn't allergic to you
you keep yourself at a distance
spitting thorns at those who draw to close.
It doesn't even slow my step,
but I dare not reach out to touch,
because I know I can get so thoroughly addicted to love
and I have been broken before.
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