Scattered Thoughts

3 days
no pants
one shower
does it matter?

A few nights ago
             I ate alone at a table that sat twelve,
             the likeness of Jesus Christ and his "virgin" mother
             watching me.

             I thought about how I'd like to have a table one day that sits twelve
          until I wondered how long that table had been empty.

  Alcohol almost keeps me from thinking
  food makes a good effort to fill me.
My thoughts scatter
it doesn't matter.

Pictures in the Attic

I found a box in the attic

blanketed in dust

that had not been disturbed

in years.

The box contained our smiles,

back when they were together,

back when our agreement against

itchy velvet

was what mattered most.

The box contained our friendship

before it was mandatory.

I found a box in the attic

full of us

blanketed in dust,

untouched.

Across the Yard

     "HallooOOOoo!"
  He calls from across the yard.
A smile cracks my frozen features
A hug from a curly-haired savior
  wearing pull-ups
thaws me.
  He speaks.
     "Look at all the flowers on the trees Miss Meghan! There's so many and and and they're all falling down        and they're in my hair and they're in Miss ____'s hair and look they're in ____'s hair too! All the flowers      are falling out of the trees cause it's windy Miss Meghan! Can you see them?!"
Yes, That's wonderful. Yes I see them.
  He keeps talking.
     "The flowers are even stuck to my boots Miss Meghan!"
  He slowly releases a giggle
   that reminds me of a river
   coming through a crack in the dam.
     "Are you wearing boots today Miss Meghan?! Your shoes look like they're boots cause they're all one          color - yea they're all one color."
   He runs off to play.
  He keeps talking.
I keep smiling.

The Artist's Curse

When you see a beautiful painting,
think of who held the brush.
Remember they covered the canvas in beauty
while they tried to do so their minds.

When you hear beautiful music,
think of who created it.
Remember the melody is meant to drown
the echoes of emptiness that fill the creator's soul.

When you read a beautiful poem,
think of who penned the words.
Remember those words are on the page
because they were tearing the mind apart

When you hear laughter,
think of who generated it.
Remember they need the laughter
to keep the sorrow from suffocating.

Remember that beauty is boldest against the ugliest backgrounds,
Remember that music is the most beautiful when it breaks silence,
Remember that light is brightest after being in the dark.

RIP Robin Williams

The Unfathomable Implications of Consciousness

Roads taken
roads left behind
roads running parallel to mine.
The ripple effect
of each little step
and the footprints left behind.
Moving forward
looking back
seeing so much yet still so blind.

Moving Forward

The past is over

today is a day for stepping forward.

I must learn to stop looking back

to keep from tripping on the path.

What lies ahead is unknown

but finding out will be better than waiting, alone

for a gate to be opened that's long been closed.

It's time to get up, brush off your clothes

and in stepping forward know;

you are not losing what is behind you,

you are leaving it.

The Dip in the Bed

There's a dip in the bed

I can't seem to stay out of.

I've had two now,

who would get up before me,

going to work,

making breakfast,

I remember, smiling,

how I'd roll onto his pillow

so that I could smell him

and feel his warmth

as I kept sleeping.

Now there's a dip in my bed where I sleep,

where someone else should be.

There is no warmth left,

no scent for me to breathe,

only a hole

where my love should be.