Leap

Ready is irrelevant

there is no such thing as
right time, right place

that's why it's called a leap

there is no room for thought
in this area,

feeling is all that's appropriate

Wisteria

I miss baking, and riding my bike, 

and reading for an entire day at a time, 

and writing and planning and drawing out character maps and outlining subplots and connecting them to series arcs, 

and having poetry force itself out of me like water through an overworked dam, 

I miss building and organizing my photo albums like holding memories in my hands, 

and going for walks for no reason besides the beauty of the day 

or the joy of the birds' songs, 

I miss singing with as much natural abandon as the birds, 

I miss seeing beautiful things and stopping to savor it without knowing I've done so, 

I miss not having to fill the silence, 

and my yearning to learn... 

I haven't found the power yet to grab these things I used to love and pull them back into my life, 

but one would think that feeling the ache of their absence for the first time in years is something like progress.

Fuck resolutions,

here is the truth;

This past year was no shittier than the one before,
this next year will be no better.

This year is not your year.

Today is not your day.

This year, this month, this lunar cycle
this day
is in no way different from the last
or the next

No great change has occurred
because our species decided long ago to measure time.

This year means nothing...

time is irrelevant;
don't wait for the hour to pass,
or the sun to set,
or the ball to drop.

If you want something new,
if you need change

now is the only time that matters.

Bruises

Like perfect recordings
of
touch

allowing me to replay
every
sensation

shadows of pain;
pleasure
in disguise

running my fingers
over
damaged skin

I play it again.

silence

biting my tongue so hard
I could use the blood as ink
for my hovering pen
that can't touch the page
for fear of the honesty,
the truth it may spell,
like the blood that spills
from my mouth
for the sake of silence

Hope

Hope
is new for me
I reach out,
tentatively,
slow so I don't spook it
cause it to run away,
it's light is soft
but my eyes take time
to adjust.

Hope
the word,
like the softest bubble popping
sweet and unassuming,
I like the word

Hope

Word Vomit

Whiner
little "ouch," little "ooh"s,
little complaints
thinking if you focus on the physical pain
if you can get others to focus on the physical pain
maybe you can ignore the real pain
a little longer
avoid treatment
avoid prodding
keep it hidden...
Maybe if you call enough attention to your paper cut
no one will notice the gaping hole in your chest.

Oversharer
little truth, little secrets,
a little too much information
maybe if you spill enough, if you talk so much
maybe then people will think they know everything
and you can keep the real truth in the dark
a little longer
avoid attention
avoid prodding
keep it secret...
Maybe if you talk enough about the smaller truths
no one will ask about the one that's killing you.