The Easy Way Out

Don't patronize me

it isn't about being strong enough
it isn't about being smart enough
it isn't about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps
and soldiering on.

There are days when it takes

every
thing
I
have

to just close my eyes
and keep breathing.

We fight though,
because the so-called
"easy way out"
is a bomb
that would rip through the people I love
like shrapnel

besides,
who knows if it's a way out at all
or just a door into another level of hell.

Nothing
about being at war
with your own mind
is as simple as

being smart

staying strong

all we can do
is go on

so if you want to help
you can send care packages,
letters to remind us why we fight,

otherwise,
respectfully,
fuck off.

Mosaic

I have no place among people who are whole.

No,
my friends and I,

we are a mosaic.

We are shattered souls
that fit together

imperfectly

filling in gaps with our broken pieces
always a bit
disheveled

but gorgeously so.

Surroundings

I noticed a pattern
some time ago;

I always seem to grow,
close,
to people who are,
beautifully,
abnormal.

I think I figured out why.

I am drawn to people who appear outwardly to express
similar,
insanity,
which I work to keep hidden,
and yearn to unleash.

My tongue hurts

There is a stigma
against the things I think

so I’ve bitten my tongue
so effectively
and for so long

I'm drowning in the blood
and the wound is infected

So, rather than risk losing
my words
rather than risk losing
my life

I unclench my jaw
and finally
speak

The Project

Sorting through old poetry
like
dredging the pond for lost items
memories
snapshots of raw emotion
exactly as I left them
ready to rip me open again

It started with love

I've developed an addiction

it started with love

I learned to love it
because I was surrounded by it,
loneliness.

It was a true love
I reveled in it
I wrapped myself in it
and cuddled it until I was warm
I overindulged
eager to drown in it


until I started to drown in it

now it owns me
I no longer have the power to leave it behind

it strangles
me

wakes
me
in the night

keeps me from
sleeping
keeps me from
breathing

but
I find myself

yearning
for it's
numbing touch

like
death
or
casual sex

draining

I am
addicted
imprisoned
lonely